you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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