Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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