What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
