I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
