i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
