I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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