A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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