I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
