Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
