I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
