Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
