i think my mom watched the whole time
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
