if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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