I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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