Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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