Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize