i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
