she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
