How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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