I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
