How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
