needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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