You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
