I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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