I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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