tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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