Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
