3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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