your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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