need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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