I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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