WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
