she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
