Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
