you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
