where does the pee come out of this thing
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
