I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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