I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
