By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
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