She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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