im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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