Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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