16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
