I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
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