we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
