this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
