Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
