We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
