I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
