I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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