You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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