I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
