Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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