I'm so fucking centered right now
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
