you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
