You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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