you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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