i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
