i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
