I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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