dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
