I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
