i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
