Your dad touched me again.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
