"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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