Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
