Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
