I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
