dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
