I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
