She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
