grandma shit on top of the toilet
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
