Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
