Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.