My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
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I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
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My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar