I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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