Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
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He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
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It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today