whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
