I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
