How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
there is glitter all over my balls
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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