ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
