i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
