I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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