Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
