man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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