I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
