Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
