he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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