Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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