the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
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As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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