That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize