so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
